Tämä teksti on kirjoitettu hypomaniavaiheen aikana ja perustuu omakohtaiseen kokemukseen. Se saattaa antaa liian positiivisen kuvan maanis-depressiivisyyden hypomaniavaiheesta.
People seem to think of Kanye West every time I mention Bipolar. And of course, the behavior which is sensational enough for the newspapers. It’s always negative – depressing news. People get something to talk about. Of course, I cannot deny that it’s also true, but it’s only part of the truth. Bipolar is so much more than crazy behavior, whether in mania or hypomania.
For me, hypomanic episodes started when I was in my twenties. I have to say, I don’t remember exactly when I had my first one. I can remember many times, though, when I was extremely depressed.
There isn’t much difference in mania and hypomania… hypo only means it’s not as severe as a full-on mania.
The public talk is also very limited. They often state that many bipolars do not take their meds. But they never talk about why that happens. If you think about it – if we bipolars felt so bad all the time when we are manic, we wouldn’t even think about getting off the meds. Right?
Most of the time when we are manic, we do not feel bad. It’s only when we are depressed, that we feel the lowest feelings one can experience. It’s the other end of the scale of being ”happy” or ”sad”. When hypomania hits you, it really hits you on the “HAPPY” side of the scale. It’s mostly fun for us and fun for those who are around us.
But as we get to the end, our thoughts get so fast and body gets so restless.
For me, the end is the worst. I feel so irritable, that I’m even irritated of myself. I barricade myself at home. I take my meds, I do everything I have been taught to calm myself down. And wait for it to pass.
It’s like feeling the sky,
touching your skin so high,
it gives warmth to your whole body so tight.
It’s like world is unicorns and sights,
it’s like finding the gold end of the rainbow bites
your butt moves to the music you hear above the lights.
You feel loved so much
And love everyone as such
it never happens when in reality and it sucks.
It makes you work like fastest computer in the world,
never stopping, eternal burn.
You just want to do as much as you can,
before you know you run
out of time and your brain wires are burnt,
time to take a break and fall to the darkness learnt
more often than you ever wish even for a turd,
and it makes you to yearn
for next mania in turn.
It comes sneaking on you again before you know
and it’s time again to take it slow
even if you so much just want to have fun
You slip into to the manic zone
where everything turns to gold
and you want to share it with everyone on hold
as they never experience this wonderful feeling of bold
and being so secure of yourself that no wind can blow
you out of balance as you stand low
taking all hits like they are just serenading your glow
It’s a magical world that I want to share.
But fortunately, not everyone has to bear
this illness, that is so much fun,
but also takes a lot from one,
if it spins out of control.
Kirjoittajat ja kuvat
Avainsanat: kuntoutumisen tarinat, kuntoutuminen, mielenterveys, hypomania